Amid Turmoil, Devastation, Man Finds Snack
Noodling Out
5 years ago
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
RSVP
Hosting a party is something that I am not accustomed to doing. After having people over for a Halloween party this past weekend I found myself realizing how cavalier I have been in the past in not responding to invitations. I would always casually dismiss them, not committing to the plan until that night, two hours before. This is the stuff of anxiety attacks for the poor people who host these events. I kept finding myself biting my nails like an insecure ninth grader, thinking, 'what if they don't come?" or even worse yet, 'what if only one person comes?'.
See, to me, that was the worst scenario possible. If one person came, and it wasn't one of my close friends, but one of those people that I only invited because they happened to overhear me invite someone else and I felt bad. One of those people that falls ambiguously on the line of coworker and acquaintance. Now this person shows up by themselves to find me sitting in my living room, with a serving plate of hours d'vours on my lap watching whatever terrible television is on a Saturday night. I would look up at him/her like a deer in the headlights. We would exchange pleasantries for a second, while I tried to brush the crumbs from my shirt and not make it look like I am in a state of rejected despotism. After a couple of awkward minutes of banter combined with him checking his watch at least 10 times, did i come on the right day?, he would kind of chuckle, and say 'Am I the only one here'?
Now, there are a couple of ways to handle this situation. 1) Explain in a mature way, that your friends couldn't make the event, but that he could join you for a drink and a snack, and feel no obligation to stay, but that you are glad he took the time to show up. Or, 2) Distract him with an amusing anecdote, hit him on the head with the baguette you wasted five dollars on that morning, and leave him by the local bar with an empty bottle and hope that , when he comes to, he will not press any criminal charges.
I played out that scenario a hundred times before the party, sitting there, looking like a schizophrenic. On the other hand, what if too many people came? I don't know how this could possibly happen, but for some reason it happens in movies all of the time. Just a couple of friends were supposed to come over, but when the poor host opens the door, the whole town comes surging in. Pushing past the poor host like they have some very important drinking to do that very minute, and nobody like, for example, the owner of the house should get in their way. What if it turned out like Animal House? With guitars being smashed, and people riding motorcycles up and down stairs with no regard for personal property, proper helmet use, or turn signals. How would they get the motorcycle through the door? Where did my hours d'vours go? And how do you get burned rubber out of a carpet?
So, please, for my sake, RSVP to your next party.
See, to me, that was the worst scenario possible. If one person came, and it wasn't one of my close friends, but one of those people that I only invited because they happened to overhear me invite someone else and I felt bad. One of those people that falls ambiguously on the line of coworker and acquaintance. Now this person shows up by themselves to find me sitting in my living room, with a serving plate of hours d'vours on my lap watching whatever terrible television is on a Saturday night. I would look up at him/her like a deer in the headlights. We would exchange pleasantries for a second, while I tried to brush the crumbs from my shirt and not make it look like I am in a state of rejected despotism. After a couple of awkward minutes of banter combined with him checking his watch at least 10 times, did i come on the right day?, he would kind of chuckle, and say 'Am I the only one here'?
Now, there are a couple of ways to handle this situation. 1) Explain in a mature way, that your friends couldn't make the event, but that he could join you for a drink and a snack, and feel no obligation to stay, but that you are glad he took the time to show up. Or, 2) Distract him with an amusing anecdote, hit him on the head with the baguette you wasted five dollars on that morning, and leave him by the local bar with an empty bottle and hope that , when he comes to, he will not press any criminal charges.
I played out that scenario a hundred times before the party, sitting there, looking like a schizophrenic. On the other hand, what if too many people came? I don't know how this could possibly happen, but for some reason it happens in movies all of the time. Just a couple of friends were supposed to come over, but when the poor host opens the door, the whole town comes surging in. Pushing past the poor host like they have some very important drinking to do that very minute, and nobody like, for example, the owner of the house should get in their way. What if it turned out like Animal House? With guitars being smashed, and people riding motorcycles up and down stairs with no regard for personal property, proper helmet use, or turn signals. How would they get the motorcycle through the door? Where did my hours d'vours go? And how do you get burned rubber out of a carpet?
So, please, for my sake, RSVP to your next party.
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