Two Headed Fur Ball Of Happy Laziness

I like dogs. I like dogs because they are stupid, simple, and always in a good mood. Sure they smell bad, and they need to be taken outside to go to the bathroom, but I've never seen a dog hide in dark corners of the house, just to wait for you to walk by, and pounce on your leg so that you drop your bowl of cereal and scream. Because that's what my cat does.


Technically Darcy isn't my cat, it's my roommates, and technically Darcy is a female name even though the feline is a male, and maybe, deep down, that could be the reason for all 'his' antagonism. Darcy and myself have, more or less, in an unspoken way, agreed to disagree. On numerous occasions I have tried to make amends with this furry little cretin, by means of petting and belly rubs, only to get clawed and bit. Fine. If that's how you want to play, I can hold a grudge too.

Sometimes I daydream about other pets that I could have, pets that do not make me feel like a shifty-eyed schizophrenic when I walk through my house at night. I fantasize about iguanas, sloths, and other slow moving non-predatorial animals, companions that live and let live, not live and haunt the shit out of somebody's legs under the table while they are trying to eat breakfast.

On a side note... is it not AMAZING to anyone else that the species of sloth has survived thus far? It doesn't really move, it just hangs from a tree, and when it does try to walk on the ground it usually gets eaten by a jaguar or something. I mean, the animal does absolutely nothing with any urgency. I think a dog with a sloth hanging on it would be the sweetest pet. The two temperaments would kind of cancel each other out to create a two headed fur ball of happy laziness.