Sen. Arlen Specter: Tom Brady Using Nerf Football

FOXBORO, MA - In the deepening senate investigation into the New England Patriots 'Spygate' scandal, Sen. Alan Specter has released a new and controversial detail. It appears that on at lease three separate occasions, Tom Brady has used a Nerf football during regulation home games in Gillette stadium.

If the allegations are founded, the Patriots recent string of dominating seasons will fall into question. "Such a fluffy, indoor-friendly, and squishy ball would be a grievous breach of the NFL bylaws stating that only regulation cowhide skin and leather lace sanctioned footballs are to be used at all times," Specter states. "Such a flagrant disregard for the rules should outrage the fans." When questioned by the media, Brady dismissed the accusations as "unfounded", and pressed that you "can only throw those things, like, five feet."

In what the media is now calling a modern witch hunt, the Pennsylvania senator, clearly wearing a McNabb jersey under his white shirt and red tie, vows to "get to the bottom of whatever the Patriots are doing". NFL commissioner has urged the senator that the proper procedures had been followed and the Patriots were punished accordingly, and that the senators suggestion of making them play the 2009 season "without a defense" is a ridiculous punishment.

Specter has also hinted at other violations including Randy Moss tying his shoelaces in the "double-knot", when the traditional "loop-swoop, and pull" method is "dictated clearly, somewhere, I think," in the NFL handbook.

The frenzied senator can be seen scurrying around the Gillette compound under a federal warrant, mumbling to himself and checking water coolers. Specter is now heavily involved in an investigation of the stadiums irrigation system, claiming that performance enhancing drugs were used on the playing field's turf.