'We're Just Plain Better' Says Europe

London (Reuters) - In an international survey conducted during the 2008 United States Presidential Election cycle, many European denizens found themselves not only siding with the Democratic Obama-Biden ticket, but scoffing in general at the people, government, education, and pretty much everything else in the States. Conducted in not only mainland Europe, but also Scandinavia, Russia, and the United Kingdom, the independent polling organization found what some are calling "startling results".

Of all the countries polled, scoffing was the highest is France and England, with levels tapering off in Lichtenstein and Switzerland. Many in England used the free-form poll as a way to express their feelings not only towards he election candidates, but also towards the country itself.

"I hate to be rude, I really do, but Americans are just not well educated" states Liverpool native Donald Hughes, a senior-level VP at a local Microsoft engineering branch. "Most people in America couldn't even tell you who won last year's Premier League Championship." Hughes, with a doctorate in computer science from the University of London, has repeatedly applied for a California-based upper-level Microsoft position to no avail. "I try as hard as I can to simplify my resume for them, but maybe I'm not dumb-ing it down enough." Similar sentiments were voiced in France.

"All they do is stereotype us," says Pierre LeJaques, a baker and wine connoisseur, taking a slow and passionate pull from his cigarette. "It is not le-fair," Pierre then went on to fill out half of the survey and then walked away in apathy to put in hit comedy DVD Dodgeball starring Ben Stiller.

The Nordic countries seemed to focus more of their attention on the political questions. Jens Larson of Tromso, Norway seemed to be unimpressed by Sarah Palin's qualifications.

"Alaska's kind of cold, I guess. But I don't think she can use that for bragging rights." Larson noted, through his multi-level anorak while wearing a headlamp. "To think that she would be one heartbeat away from the presidency of the most powerful, and cocky country in the world is frightening. What we need to do is to get the Americans on the right track, and get them educated, and then maybe us Europeans might be able to stand the sight of them," concluded Larson, before shooing out the reporter and taking his family to lunch at McDonalds.

It seems that the anti-American sentiment still runs strong in the blurry, inconsequential 'rest of the world', and with a new leader eminent on November 4th, there is a lingering doubt as to whether those fat, uneducated, loud, obnoxious and egocentric prudes can even be saved at this point.