Self-Destructive Saturday

The title really says it all. Actually, hold on. Let me grab a beer.

Thats better.

If it's going to be a self-destructive Saturday, there damn well better be a beer involved.

Ok, so the title is a little dramatic. I'm not really self destructive today. I just wasn't very productive. And in this fast paced, broadband-speed, micro-managing, iPod shuffle, instant get-ification, credit card fueled, frenetic world we live in, it feels like if you aren't making leaps and bounds towards the end goal of your dreams then you are falling behind. Today felt like one of those days. I actually really like my iPod shuffle. I didn't mean to lump you in with micro-managing. Sorry shuffle.

I blame my non-productive day on a couple of things:

1) A stupid migraine. About once, maybe twice a year I get a very minor (stupid) migraine. For those who get blinding vomit-inducing migraines that force them into a curtain-drawn room for the better part of a week, I apologize. That sounds terrible. If you have the Hulk Hogan of migraines, I have the Peewee Herman of cranial discomfort. It doesn't have the strength to bend a steel pipe into the shape of a rabbit, but it does have the shrill unsettling tenor of a man who speaks one octave too high and exposes himself to children.

Are you ready for photophobia?

I was taking an MCAT practice test this morning when I noticed the faint aura appear in my left field of vision.  Like an old neighbor you didn't want to see again, wrapping on your window while you are in the middle of your favorite movie. Crap. Of all the times to get a migraine, taking a practice test is one of the more inconvenient. Taking the real test, of course would be far worse, and I would rather not think about that situation for the sake of my blood pressure. I'm pretty sure my headache this morning was due to chronic over-caffeination, and I have the refrigerator pack of Red Bull to prove it.

Per usual, the aura (imagine the after effect of staring at the sun for a moment) was a small linear segment off to my left, but I knew it was on the move. If history could be learned from, the spot would grow in size and migrate across my field of vision. This means that I am now racing the aura. I needed to finish 20 minutes of reading comprehension before that sneaky little bastard is dead center in front of me and I can't see anything that I'm looking at.

The problem is, I'm already rushing myself on what I consider the hardest section of the MCAT. It doesn't help that I have a clock in the corner of the screen reminding me that I'm a slow-ass reader, but now I have a biological detonating wick crawling its way across whatever I look at. Great. I didn't end up doing well on that section. And the pot at the end of the rainbow, the reward for watching the phantasm inch its way rightward for the better part of an hour, is a hangover-like headache that lasts a few hours.

2) I said that there were multiple things to blame for my non-productive day of so-called self destruction, but I can't think of another legitimate excuse. I gave myself plenty of time to think of one while describing my headache with unnecessary detail. Oh wait! I've got one.

3) Random re-arranging day! That's right. Every blue moon (which happens about twice a year) something magical happens. I will be innocently cleaning around the house when I notice an object out of place. So I move it. But it doesn't look good there. So I put it somewhere else. And then I think, well damn, it would look really good sitting over there. But of course, there is something in its way. That means I need to move that other thing. And then find a better place for it. This means moving something ELSE out of it's precious little niche. After about an hour, I have all of the furniture on the front lawn, and I'm staring at an empty living room trying to visualize the best place for a crooked IKEA lamp. Hi. My name is Oliver and I have a re-arranging sickness.

So the house is spotless. Completely re-arranged, but spotless. My poor MCAT knowledge has not progressed with the light-speed evolution that I had planned for. I promise that tomorrow will be a new day. Self-CONSTRUCTIVE Sunday I'll call it! Oh what a day this will be.

Another hour before midnight means that I have time for one more beer though...