Part II: The Shoes That Were Destined To Fit

The spiraling staircase could have been likened to the soul-wrenching path down to the mines of Moria. With each new step all thoughts of the world above (and with that, happiness) faded, and the stale, dank air of the deep enveloped us. Without the flame to provide warmth and a semblance of bearing, we would surely have gone insane.

"We have arrived" uttered Havey.
"How can you tell? I can't see anything" I asked. He must have made the trip so many times, his feet knew the way.
"Oh right," The shoe-shaman said, "Here we go." He switched on the lights to his left, and the great cavern lit up with an fluorescent buzz. "Sorry, the lights are out in the stairwell."

He led me in silence through the rows of footwear that seemed to stretch for miles into the vanishing point. We walked by marvels of technology and science that boggled my mind. There was some sort of dry-ice fog coming out of the walls in all directions.

"What about this one?" I asked, as we passed a particularly comfortable looking shoe. As I was about to touch it, the shoe, as if magnetically charged, skidded away from my hand. I again tried to grasp it, only to see it skid off the counter onto the floor. The oracle threw his cloak over the shoe quickly and wrestled it back onto the shelf.

"Do NOT... touch anything" he said, as the skidding sneaker finally seemed to stay in one spot. "Those shoes will bring you nothing but trouble. Only one man has run in those."
"Who?" I asked, "Was it Steve Prefontaine?"
"Huh? No. He used Nikes." the oracle said. "This guy Bob Turner, lives in Maple Grove. Ah, here we are!"

We stopped our trek in front of some non-descript boxes. He paused in deep thought. "What are you, like an eleven, eleven and a half?"
"Yeah."
"Ok," he said, grabbing a box from the bottom."We are done here."
"Should I at least try them on?" To that comment, I received a look that still haunts my dreams. A look that told me nobody questions the oracle.... right or wrong... he is always right.

We took the elevator back upstairs, because the torch ran out, and he was pretty sure the door locked behind us. "Plus" he said, "the eye-patch really messes with my depth perception".

As I paid for the new shoes with my debit card upstairs I couldn't help but feel in safe hands knowing that my shoes, no matter what size they ended up being, would be the best pair of shoes I have ever run in. Because whether the oracle is right or wrong... he is always right.

Shoe-Shopping Part I

With my knees starting to ache and my soles wearing thin, I knew that the time for new footwear was long past due. Being able to trim my toenails without taking my shoes off was the final indicator of this.So I decided to consult Oracle Havey.

Oracle Havey is the town's mystic shaman of shoe-smithing, and while few can understand his methods and sheer genius, everyone knows that when you need new shoes... you consult the Oracle.

So with a healthy dose of trepidation (and intimidation), I knocked on the 14 foot Oak Doors, adorned with ornate carvings of famous runners, walkers, joggers, and saunterers alike. As I was studying the carvings, the door slowly opened with an ominous groan, and lightning crashed in the sky behind me. Crap, I forgot to roll my windows up. The Oracle stood there in front of me, skin weathered by winds of the road, and shoulders heavy with the knowledge of studying so many training logs. 'Come in' he uttered, and lead me to a seat. As I sat down I noticed that he was wearing an eye patch made of what looked to be the bib of a marathon past. "Grrr." He growled "So you've come for advice."

"I have," I said "and I have brought my old shoes as a sacrifice to you and your Gods." I presented the Oracle with my old tattered running shoes trying to to engage in direct eye contact. It was hard to tell beneath his grizzled and forlorn appearance, but I think I saw him flinch at the sight of the wretched foot accessories. But it may have been illusion on my part, my vanity playing tricks on me (who am I to think anything could surprise the great and powerful Oracle?). He studied them for a few moments, pausing at parts and mumbling to himself in agreement. And then, with a flick of his wrist, cast them into the large fireplace to my right. The flames, which were tepid and small before, erupted into a burst of blue and then orange, sizzling and popping like an alka-seltzer on steroids. The expression on Havey's face grew grim. After a moment of ponderous silence, he spoke.

"This is worse than I thought." He said, "I haven't seen that color from the Great Flame in nearly ten years." I didn't like the sound of that. "But", he added emphatically, "if anyone can help you. I can." It was obvious that whatever the Oracle saw in those flames had rattled him. "Follow me," he instructed.

He lead me to the back of the room where a dark and winding stone staircase plummeted into what appeared to be the bowels of the earth itself. "We are going down into the darkness" - he said, "stay close to me, and under no circumstance, pay any attention to what you see!" I wasn't really sure what that last comment meant, but I agreed to stay close. "Oh, and watch your head, it's a low ceiling." he added.

So with a gasoline-soaked torch he started the decent cautiously into the dank and cold stairwell. I wondered what awaited us in the depths of the shoe store, and what the Oracle's cryptic warning could have meant. But that fear was soon replaced by pain and regret as my head slammed into low-hanging stone ceiling.

To Be Continued...

MTVJams Update

In case anyone is interested...

To start off, I noticed that Eminem is back. He has a new album entitled Relapse. As someone who was very much into the Eminem scene back in high school, and even through early college, I was curious to see how he had evolved, if at all...

If nothing else, the song is a sophomoric (SAT verbal study-guide word!), overly-emotional tour de Marshal Mathers, showing more symptoms of depression than symptoms of empathy and maturity. And then I remembered my high school experience, and realized this is exactly why I used to like Eminem. It's like David Wooderson said in Dazed and Confused, "That's what I like about Eminem, man. I keep getting older, but he stays the saaaaaame age."

I also saw Rick Ross' new music video. It inspired me to write an onion-like article entitled "Hip-hop Artist Makes Reference to Scarface". And then my second Coors Light washed that motivation away.

And while I realize that writing original music is time-consuming and difficult, hip-hop has taken music borrowing ("sampling") to a whole new level. Of the four songs that I watched on MTVJams, two of them sampled Steam - Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye. TWO!! out of FOUR!! I think that the producers are digging pretty damn deep into the old hit-lists.

I will post the video for one of the songs that uses the Steam song below. Because it is Jay-Z. And this is only included because I want to illustrate how to respectfully and appropriately cover a chorus, so take notes. This video represents that genre of music that I really respect and appreciate, but don't listen to nearly enough; a thoughtful and purposeful vehicle of talent, ideas and emotion. I am suddenly ashamed at the number of T-Pain songs near the top of my iTunes most-played list.

Water Jumpers

Once thought only to exist in the storied Lake Winnipesaukee near Meredith, NH - another group of lake-maids and lake-men were spotted in Third Crow Wing Lake, in Chamberlain Minnesota.

These unique and fantastic creatures, similar to flying fish, are able to leap clear out of the water and jump onto boats in a single bound.

This footage is the second of it's kind, and is one of the rare moments these creatures strange habits have been captured on film. Let's sit back and enjoy:

The Legacy Of Billy Mays

Bon voyage to the big infomercial in the sky. Full of ever-sharp knives, non-stick easy-clean utensils, of course, the Big City Slider.

It's, like, so MODERN, you know?

I'm getting started on 'Summer Mix 2009'. Something that takes research, preparation, and a hours of consideration. Summer 09 will take the place of my not-so-successful 'Spring Mix 2009'. Before that was Winter Mix 2008 (AKA no sun = depressing emo music). I think you can see the pattern developing here.

I must say that The Current is probably where I get most of my songs. And, for the record, I can speak with confidence when I say that the current is VERY hit-or-miss. And before my inbox gets flooded with pro-89.3 listeners, let me just say this: No. I am right.

During the course of any given hour, the current can rattle off a barrage of songs that, in one corner, epitomize the spirit and the evolution of modern music and are a titillating pleasure to listen to, and in the OTHER corner are the songs that are played by the bands that are so off the deep end, that they THINK they are the spirit and evolution of modern music ("was any of that noise made by an actual instrument?" you might say to yourself).

And while I know that you can't have rainbows without the rain. It just seems like sometimes I can't smell the roses without stepping in dog shit. Or something like that. When in Rome, right?

So I'll continue to wade through the current's playlist with the cautious persistence of a sugar-frenzied child during an Easter egg hunt in a minefield, knowing that the longer I listen, the more likely I am to come across a really bad song. Or to explode in Cadbury deliciousness.

Pimp.com

You can click on the title to hear the first cut of our song.

I was trying to embed a media player in here, but I couldn't figure it out this morning. I'm sure it's something simple, but after a few hours of trial-and-error, I sucked it up and threw in the towel.