Astronomy 101

North American astronomers collectively issued a press release yesterday to a room full of teaming reporters: There will be a lunar eclipse at 6:45 EST.

(crickets chirping)

This is big news for the four-eyed community which hasn't had a hard-on this big since Mars went into retrograde back in October.

Being a liberal arts educated man myself, I have been privileged with an astronomy class, and realize that not everyone knows exactly what a 'lunar eclipse' is. You were presumably a bit disappointed when you looked into the night sky to find a 'fuzzy' moon when you (and I) were expecting something more closely resembling, for example, a Mitsubishi Eclipse.

To fully capture the magic that is the eclipse, one needs to steep themselves in the research and literature dedicated to the motion of the heavenly bodies. But that is entirely out of the picture. These are probably some questions you are asking yourself right now:

What is a Lunar eclipse anyway?
That's a good question. It is a rare instance in our planet's orbital path when the sun passes directly in between our earth and the moon.

What? How would the sun fit in between the earth and the moon? Isn't the sun, like, freakin huge?
Um, what I meant to say is that, the moon passes between the sun and earth. It also pulls the oceans in different directions, effecting whale's migratory patterns, surfing competitions and other such things.

I think that's a solar eclipse, but whatever. Didn't you say that you took an astronomy class?

Ok, I think we are digressing. The point here, is that we are dealing with gravity, tides, a shadow of some sort, and werewolf sleeping habits. Beyond that, I can safely say, only the most brilliant physicists can speculate why 'The Great Shadow' passes over the moon.

Many neophytes in the astronomical realm will need some instructions on how to view a lunar eclipse properly. I wish it were as simple as just gazing at our moon and soaking in it's splendor. Apparently, I've read somewhere, there can be harmful effects on your retina, so precautions must be taken. The best method is to make sunglasses wrapped in aluminum foil, poking a small hole in front of each eye, so only a single shaft of light can get through. These prevent blindness from lunar radiation, hypnosis from the Greek god Selene, or actually seeing anything.

Then give these glasses to you friend and tell him to recap the whole 'eclipse thing' for you later, because American Idol just started and the glasses look rediculous. After all, it's just a stupid shadow.