Down, Up, Left, Right, A, Right, Down

I realize that far too often, these blogs seem to be rants. It's almost as if these are some therapeudic excretions; purges from my troubled and under stimulated psyche. So what? What are you judging me? Go screw yourself, what are you perfect?!!

Haha, serenity now, wuusaa, keep it together*, BUT ANYWAY! I thought I would rant once again about my favorite thing in the world to suck at: fantasy sports.

They are fantasy in the respect that you are not actually a coach, the athletes do not belong to you, and there is no real glory in winning computer games. They are sports in the respect that you can lose, and even if you win, you are still a loser because you spent FAR too much time and energy on something that is meaningless in every sense of the word.

I will posit that there is very little strategy in drafting and maintaining a fantasy sports team, and that sheer luck and dimwitted 'gut feelings' dominate the winners circle. I think this because I always lose. Always. It doesn't matter what sport, or who I draft, I always find a way to loose in the end. Example: I went 9-0 in football last year, only to lose the rest of the games, and then lose the first playoff game to end up in 7th. Another example: I decided to actually employ strategy in baseball last season, and shuffled my roster around mathematically, blah, blah, long story short I came in 8th. The only conclusion I can make, without admitting any flaws in myself, is that everybody cheats somehow and I don't. That's the only thing that can explain it!

So please, if you do in fact subject yourself to fantasy sports on a regular basis, would you tell me how it works? Is there a Game Genie or something? Is there a code like in Mortal Kombat that unlocks different stats? I mean common, it's got to be something... right?

*bonus points for the first person who can name all three references there as a comment