Los Diablos, part II

The clock is ticking... only a few short weeks remain before I embark westward like so many other Americans before me; Lewis and Clark, the Donner Party, and of course, Fievel Mouskawitx (not originally American, but anointed cizizenship later on).

Ahhh, the American dream, the great expansion, manifest destiny, so on and so forth. The stuff dreams are made of. Like Lewis and Clark, the great explorers, I will travel in the general 'westerly' direction. Like the Donner Party, I will not be packing any food with me. And just like our little mouse Fievel, I don't like cats.

The itinerary of events for such a trip can easily be cluttered by the myriad of opportunities. In such an epic departure I can only follow Gandalf's advice and 'do what I can with the time that has been given to me'. Only my time has allowed a four day trip to California, and Frodo got stuck with the task of burdening the evil soul of an eternal tyrant, being forced to trudge to his death amidst a battle of good vs. evil. At least he wasn't forced with the logistical nightmare of getting to the MLPS airport at 5:30AM on a Wednesday morning. I mean long-term parking rates are egregious and public transportation that early in morning is non-existent. Sheeesh.

To start off, there are a few things that I need to purchase being someone from Minnesota traveling to the sunny southwest.

1) Sunblock with SPF 150. This will prevent my seasonally agoraphobic epidermis from peeling like bacon.

2) Dual air-filter gas mask. I have heard that the smog can be so heavy in the city of angels that clouds can randomly reclassify as a solid and come crashing down with a swift 'plop' of carbon monoxide. If I dress correctly, I should look like this when I arrive.

3) A map of where the stars live. Because OMG, I can't believe that Matthew Mcconaughey is dating that blah, blah, garble, gargle, gag, (shotgun to the head). Sorry, but I can't even joke about being excited about that. Unless Scarlett Johansson is on there, cause she hasn't answered any of my letters, emails, or myspace instant messages, and I would like to really try to clarify our relationship, and where it is going.