Palm Trees and Pomeranians

So I made it in one piece. The sun is bright, the weather is hot, and I don't know much else because I haven't left the apartment yet. My knowledge of LA is primarily, but not solely, limited to my google maps experiences.

Things I have learned so far in LA.

1) There are an insane amount of stoplights.
2) They always turn red right before I get to them, making me slam on my brakes.

That's about it so far, but I'll keep you updated as I learn the city more. My only adventures thus far have been battling the ever-powerful craiglist. The problem with the LA craigslist is that, being in such a big city, the apartments go really fast. If you don't reply to someone within 24 hours of their posting, forget about it. Hi, excuse me, I saw that you just posted a room for rent, and I... it's already taken?....How is that possible? you just posted it five minutes ago... no, I'm not a female anyway.

Thats another thing. EVERYONE is looking for a female roommate. Give me another week of futile cragslisting, and I am going to change my name to Svetlanka and say I am a Russian body-builder with a high testosterone level. What, are they going to check my genitals? If it's in West Hollywood, probably.

I'm still a little jet-lagged and still very much culture-shocked, so my levels of wit and story structure are a little lacking. I'll leave you with Zach Galifianakis's favorite joke.

Guy goes to the doctor, and the doctor says, "Sir, you've got to stop masturbating." And the guy was like, "Why?" And the doctor says, "So I can examine you."