Decisions, Decisions...

Growing up, essentially, is defined by the knowledge gained in the struggle to understand one's self; the clarification of our actions, thoughts and motives. That, and the lucid realization that Disney's The Shaggy D.A. is actually a really bad movie, and you are surprised that you could even sit through five minutes of its condescending drivel when you were six. But, in hindsight, most of what you experience at that age is, by definition, condescending.


What I have learned recently about myself, is that there are external limitations which effect when I will be 'of character' to make a clear decision. Here are the restrictions:


1) Not enough sleep: Anything less that six hours of sleep puts me in such a foggy funk that I start to get Nietzsche on my own ass. Nothing has meaning, so why bother? That kind of stuff.

2) The day before I get sick: This one is a toughie. It is one of those hindsight days where you realize that maybe you shouldn't have tweaked out on the old lady in the grocery store for taking the last head of cabbage. And then keyed her car. This day usually comes coupled with 'not enough sleep day', converging like the perfect storm on your psyche. Tempers flair for no reason, and you may get overly emotional while watching a movie like the 6th Sense. Suddenly any movie transforms you into that weird neighbor kid in American Beauty who starts crying at the image of a plastic bag floating around. It’s all just so tragic and beautiful!

3) Cloudy days: Being one who is profoundly effected by daylight, it takes extra motivation to get through mundane chores like, for example, showering when the sun doesn't peak out its happy face. This leads me to the next one...

4) Winter months: With shorter, colder days, don't expect to get anything done from mid-November to March. Just drink it away. Bottoms up!

5) While drunk: This is a biggie. Especially when making decisions based on the attractiveness of a girl, whether to drive home or not, and buying grocery items. You might wake up next to shovel-face Broomhilda with a 'puppy'-sized dent in your car and fifteen boxes of Pizza Bites strewn about your kitchen.

6) Hung-over: See #2. Add a headache.

7) When the promise of sex is a real possibility: The libido takes full control of the helm in this position, doing whatever is necessary to reach its goal. Combined with #5, the combination is more powerful than all of the Thundercats combined. Your brain is only barely operational at this point, and you slip into what we call the Pied Piper, or Manson Family effect.

The list goes on. And, as I grow up, I realize I usually have about 3-4 solid minutes each day (on average) of quality decision-making time. Mine has long passed for the day, so I should sign off before I say anything I regret. It's time to cuddle up on the couch with the 'happy light' and get weepy-eyed watching Rambo 2.