Mailbag

Inspired by Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, on ESPN.com, I have dedicated my piece today to the fans who write, email, call, or shout at me on the street. The life of a blogger can be overbearing and downright burdensome at times with the amount of fan mail received, but I try to get through each piece of correspondence, remain impartial and open to suggestion, and systematically ignore the ones I don't like.

Here is a random sampling from my mailbag this weekend. My responses are in bold.

Where do you get the ideas for your hilarious, yet brilliantly poignant blog entries? I am floored by the sheer greatness of everything that is YOU.

forever a fan.
~Kimberly, Sandusky, OH

This is clearly a real person writing a very sincere, heartfelt memo to her hero. I applaud you, Kimberly, for speaking so frankly, and for also being an actual reader who wrote in. In response to your question, the ideas for my entries are in fact a random splattering of a caffeine induced, ennui battling, writing binge. Or plagiarism.

I read somewhere that you are a big New England sports fan. Did you happen to see the Superbowl this year? 18-1, 18-1, 18-1. [S]ucker.

~Dickhead, NY, NY

No I didn't Dickhead, but thanks for the recap. I'm sure that you and your gap-toothed Strahan loving buddies aren't just embittered Yankees fans jumping on the bandwagon of Boston beating sports teams.

cLick HErE foR PeN1Le enLArgeMen!! CLik H@re,

~Anon.

I'm not sure how you got my contact information, or what exactly you are insinuating, but please stop sending me these emails.

Honey, your brother won't answer my phone calls. would you please call him and tell him to call me? I think I'm coming down with a cold, and the stress of those freakin' kids at school is wearing me down. Love you,

~Mom, Boxborough, MA

P.S. - I'll send out a care package this week, and throw in some more ointment for that pesky rash !

Haha, what rash!? Good one mom! Anyway, yeah fine, I'll call him. Jeez already. Could you also put some Oreos in the package? Not double stuff - that's just too much frosting. Thanks.

Keep writing people, you are the coal to my engine, the audience to my performance, and a great excuse to not write a legitimate entry.