The Devil Wears Alpine Lowe

Way out there, in the magical land called Cyberspace, you can find a place called steepandcheep.com. Seemingly an oasis in the desert of overpriced outdoorwear and all-around 'cool' things, SAC lures in customers like the gingerbread house in the lost forest. Just as Hansel an Gretel, you find yourself nibbling on it's lemon drop awnings and chocholate lattice....and then 'BAM!', the next thing you know, you are in the witch's oven, on pre-bake, wearing a $112 watch, fleece socks, and an Oakley sweatshirt that doesn't quite fit.

Extended metaphors aside, I (being someone in a very low income bracket), have forked up far too much money for paraphernalia that I may never need. In fact, I did't even know some of this stuff existed until it popped up in front of me with a heavily slashed price. Four person tent? Nah, don't need it. Well, how much is it? $150? List price $400? Well shit! If I'm ever going to buy a tent, I had better do that now. In fact, maybe I'll get a couple...start a jamboree. I'll be fun! I should buy some camp stoves...

I usually stop myself at this point, throw a glass of water in my face, and realize that I go camping about as often as Paris Hilton.

The site works on overstocking principles, and helps outdoorwear companies dump their surplus at a great price for consumers (suckers like me). They have one deal at a time, with a limited inventory that dwindles down like a progress bar on the left of the screen. The site is also run by the devil.

In my mind, the Supreme Beguiler is the only one cunning and evil enough to create, and run, a website that could slap a watch on my hand and have me anxious to pay more (I won't say how much I paid, but you can check the first paragraph for a hint). Descartes, mon ami, you were a fool to insist that an Great Deceiver did not exist. You clearly did not end up scratching your head at why you now own a freeze-proof water bottle with a built-in altimeter.

My ego, in contrast to my brain, is too big to admit that I have been taken for a ride. So, in a futile attempt to justify my purchases, I will be summiting Everest this spring. I have room for three more in my tent if you want to join me.