Major League Conclusions

Sunday marked the end of another storied MLB season. It's wrapped up now; the players head to Florida, Arizona and the Dominican to get in a good tan and gain 20-30 lbs for spring training (Prince Fielder is an exception, with the addition of 30 lbs. causing his stomach to cover the entire strike zone). The grounds crew at the stadiums are looking for seasonal jobs in landscaping or snow-removal. Yep, it's in the books. Finito.

Well - except for the World Series. They still haven't played that yet, I guess. Whatever. OK, so two teams are still playing, but whatever. Its over for all of the cool teams. Angels? Out. Mets? Out. Red Sox? (arggg) Out. A's? Out. I mean, the season's done! Twins? Out.
Oh who am I kidding, the Twins aren't cool.

The Twins are respectfully proficient, but the coolness factor is seriously lacking. I'm pretty sure the players parking lot is full of Silverados with tackle boxes in the back (Joe Mauer), and crappy cars with college bumper stickers on them from rookies who still haven't signed a contract (don't worry, when contract time comes, you'll get shipped off somewhere else!). The Twins are like that guy who shows up to the swanky party, and keeps asking the catering staff if the hors devours are free, and then getting really excited cause it totally saves them from buying dinner that night. I have to like the Twins though, not only because I lived in the great state of Minnesota for six years, but also because that guy I just described at a party is, in fact, me. Whaddup tangent!

OK, OK, the season isn't REALLY finished. so if you really NEED to watch baseball, you can tune into the World Series where the Phillies are playing the 2012 Red Sox/Yankees/Mets starting lineup. Hope you enjoy.

If we learned anything about this season, it's... it's... it's - don't leave your last, clenching, air-gasping, chance of survival in the hands Jed Lowrie.

• Oh, and the Angels have no heart.
• The Cubs fold like a house of cards at the prospect of winning something.
• The Yankees aren't as good when they don't throw money around willy-nilly. That's right, I said 'willy-nilly'.
• I really feel bad for Baltimore fans.
  
• The Giants are suffering from the curse of the Balco.
• The Royals will always be that little team that can't.
• The NL West has a secret $10,000,000 side-bet of who can have the worst record.
• Finishing last for 10 straight seasons to compile a starting lineup solely comprised of #1 draft picks suddenly looks like a good idea.